Hitman Review

It’s another lonely Tuesday night and time for some cheap tickets and cheaper entertainment at the local cinema. Movies based on videogames don’t tend to win me over straight away, and Hitman is not really different. However, this movie is for you if you like the following:

  • Movies based on a video game centred around assassination.
  • Bald assassins.
  • A woodwork shop full of other bald assassins sent to kill the aforementioned Bald Assassin.
  • Casual Eastern European nudity.
  • Shooting, stabbing, exploding, electri-frying, strangling, and more shooting of people
  • Flash Transitions that may cause blindness.
  • Vin Diesel as Executive Producer.

If you ticked all of the above boxes then I guess this one is for you. Go and watch it now. However, those who need a little more persuasion or dissuasion, here’s the story:

Number 47 (Timothy Olyphant from Deadwood) is a trained assassin for an organisation known as The Organisation (a truly original name) who is hired to off various people for large sums of money. 47 is apparently the best, and after killing some prominent bad guy in Niger, moves onto his next assignment on assassinating the new moderate Russian president. Naturally, after doing the job, he is betrayed by the very people that hired him and thus is chased by Interpol, the Russian Secret Police and a league of bald assassins, all of which don’t really challenge 47 in any way, shape or form. Following him for most of the movie is Nika, played by Olga Kurylenko to serve as eye candy and light comedy relief for when the guns and fists aren’t blazing.

The whole movie seems made from the action movie cookie cutter that seems to make plenty of freshly oven baked goodies every year. The plot is predictable enough that there seems to be no twist, you know immediately who the bad guys are and what exactly will happen to them, because they “happened to mess with the wrong man”.
Overall, Hitman looks good, but if you’ve seen The Transporter, you’ve already watched a better film. The dialogue is sub par, the action feels heavily rehearsed and the plot is predictable. This one gets 2.5 stars only because eye candy and casual nudity do count for something in my book.

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