The List

With my break from work almost over, it’s time to reflect on something I did before leaving. And that was lending my car to a friend from work to drive it around so it didn’t just sit in a car port looking abandoned.

Fearing that my car would be used recklessly, I made a list of things that the person in question could not use, or perform in my car. Hopefully, I covered most things.

So here it is.

  1. Do not crash my car.
  2. Do not attempt to perform any handbrake turns in my car, but not because I think it’s seriously dangerous. I just don’t think my car has great “drift value”.
  3. If something breaks down on my car, please tell me and get it fixed. We can come to an arrangement over how it gets paid.
  4. Please do not speed in my car, run red lights, or in the event of doing the former two, engage in a high speed chase with the police.
  5. If you are going to use my car to dispose of evidence, please use adequate plastic sheeting, the boot is notoriously difficult to clean.
  6. Do not crash my car.
  7. Don’t forget to keep the car filled with petrol. It’s just embarrassing when you run out.
    After several years of being in the sun, the LCD screen on the CD Player has become a blank orange screen. The radio has been set to Triple J but this is not a preset. You may want to create a mix cd that you know the tracks intimately. Also the CD player tends to skip when you hit an ant, but not a pothole.
  8. The Air Conditioning is a bit funny. A couple of years ago, the fan settings 1, 2 and 3 stopped working, the highest setting still does. It’s funny because I only ever really used 3 and 4, so if you want to stay warm, you’ll stay pretty toasty.
  9. Do not crash my car.
  10. The suspension is still good in my car. This is NOT an excuse to have sex in it.
  11. Please do not transport illegal or dangerous items in my car, please see rule #5.
  12. Clean any stains that you leave in my car. I will not believe it is “nail polish”.
  13. In the event you are involved in an actual car accident. Please consider your well being first. I will organise my insurance people to sort something out.

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